some mom friends of mine recently and i had the discussion "what do you miss the most about your life pre-mom."
we shouted out answers- independence! time alone! laying in bed all day long on a saturday! getting drunk with no consequence!
you want to know what i said?
music.
i miss music.
specifically concerts.
i miss the tailgating before the shows. the kinship among concert goers. the beer on tap that cost $10 a cup and was 1/4 foam, but still tasted so sweet.
because let's face it, music always sounds better when you have a buzz.
and yes, i miss the buzz.
i went to the ray lamontagne/david gray show last week and got just enough to get a jonesin' for music again.
i updated my music player on this blog for one. i also made myself a promise to seek out some more new great music to share. just like i used to. before i was a mom.
don't get me wrong. just as the beer always makes the music sound better, so has being a mom made my life richer.
doesn't mean i don't miss the younger version of myself, dancing hard at a show living a life only for me. listening to music and trying to apply it to my life, situation, love.
yes, that's what i miss the most. if i could pass along one thing to my children, it would be my love for music. it has opened my heart in more ways than i can ever count.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
32 weeks
this is me at 32 weeks!
i had my 32 week appt last week, measuring in at 35 weeks because "new baby" (that's what we call this one!) hasn't moved a bit and is breech. AGAIN!
this means i have to be monitored closely just to check on new baby's location. i have another ultrasound on september 10. normally i'd be excited, but since we pay out of pocket with our insurance plan (about 250 a pop) and this is my 4th ultrasound i'm just wishing new baby would fall right into place. of course! but at the same time, i'm not stressing about it like i did last time. if new baby is breech, he/she is breech. what can i do?!
feels so good to be pregnant this time and not neurotic. :)
here's to 8 more weeks of growing new baby and his/her entrance into this world, however he/she may come!
i had my 32 week appt last week, measuring in at 35 weeks because "new baby" (that's what we call this one!) hasn't moved a bit and is breech. AGAIN!
this means i have to be monitored closely just to check on new baby's location. i have another ultrasound on september 10. normally i'd be excited, but since we pay out of pocket with our insurance plan (about 250 a pop) and this is my 4th ultrasound i'm just wishing new baby would fall right into place. of course! but at the same time, i'm not stressing about it like i did last time. if new baby is breech, he/she is breech. what can i do?!
feels so good to be pregnant this time and not neurotic. :)
here's to 8 more weeks of growing new baby and his/her entrance into this world, however he/she may come!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
what i would tell her (if i knew what to say)
WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)
by katherine center
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.
by katherine center
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.
waking up without lucia
this morning we woke up without lucia for she spent the night at grandma and poppy's last night.
it's one thing going out of town and leaving her little butt behind, but when you wake up in your own house without the cutest thing you've ever known, well, it's just weird.
and a little sad.
even in the middle of the night when i got up to use the facilities (which has become a two-three times a night happening) just looking in her empty room left me TOO a little empty.
a nice dinner out with trav followed by ice cream was a nice treat. we actually ate at a normal pace and enjoyed each others company. we got a lot done around the house which was also a necessary feat.
i just missed my kid. i missed our nightly routine of bath, books, prayers and "game playing."
cover me up! no cover. yes cover. no cover!
or her nightly thrust of the paci upwards to which she proclaims WASH IT!
we had every intention of sleeping in but trav was up working at 530 and i up at 6 sitting vertically due to my ever present heartburn. i then began my work day at 7 am. what have we become!?
maybe i'm being a little melodramatic here, but i can't wait to kiss her little soft cheeks and pinch her booty butt when she comes home to me at 5.
it's one thing going out of town and leaving her little butt behind, but when you wake up in your own house without the cutest thing you've ever known, well, it's just weird.
and a little sad.
even in the middle of the night when i got up to use the facilities (which has become a two-three times a night happening) just looking in her empty room left me TOO a little empty.
a nice dinner out with trav followed by ice cream was a nice treat. we actually ate at a normal pace and enjoyed each others company. we got a lot done around the house which was also a necessary feat.
i just missed my kid. i missed our nightly routine of bath, books, prayers and "game playing."
cover me up! no cover. yes cover. no cover!
or her nightly thrust of the paci upwards to which she proclaims WASH IT!
we had every intention of sleeping in but trav was up working at 530 and i up at 6 sitting vertically due to my ever present heartburn. i then began my work day at 7 am. what have we become!?
maybe i'm being a little melodramatic here, but i can't wait to kiss her little soft cheeks and pinch her booty butt when she comes home to me at 5.
Friday, August 20, 2010
friday musings
i read blogs, tweet, post relevant content for clients and myself day in and day out. sometimes i love it, sometimes i hate it- the constant flux of information and news. but i might as well embrace it and share a few things that i really enjoyed this week that got me thinking.
click on highlighted topics for links.
HOW TO BE ALONE.
exquisite.
makes me wish i enjoyed my alone time a little more when i had it, but also opens my eyes to enjoying the stolen moments i can get now.
EMAIL IS TOO SLOW, AND WRISTWATCHES ARE "POINTLESS" FOR COLLEGE FRESHMAN.
this made me sad. :(
A LOOK AT TEST PREP FOR 4 YEAR OLDS.
makes me wonder if i should be looking at pre-schools for lu. what happened to pre-school being "play-school." while i agree the US education system is proven not to be preparing our students to work in a global economy, do we really have to start pushing our kids at age 4?
ARE 630 AM BUSINESS CALLS OK?
ok, so i wrote this post for my company but i'd love to hear what you think. make sure you read the Anne Lamott link at the bottom. very important. poignant too.
happy friday.
click on highlighted topics for links.
HOW TO BE ALONE.
exquisite.
makes me wish i enjoyed my alone time a little more when i had it, but also opens my eyes to enjoying the stolen moments i can get now.
EMAIL IS TOO SLOW, AND WRISTWATCHES ARE "POINTLESS" FOR COLLEGE FRESHMAN.
this made me sad. :(
A LOOK AT TEST PREP FOR 4 YEAR OLDS.
makes me wonder if i should be looking at pre-schools for lu. what happened to pre-school being "play-school." while i agree the US education system is proven not to be preparing our students to work in a global economy, do we really have to start pushing our kids at age 4?
ARE 630 AM BUSINESS CALLS OK?
ok, so i wrote this post for my company but i'd love to hear what you think. make sure you read the Anne Lamott link at the bottom. very important. poignant too.
happy friday.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
lu's 2 year shots
once again, our photographer has outdone herself.
i had to buy the entire cd because i just couldn't choose.
CLICK HERE to see lu's shots!
i had to buy the entire cd because i just couldn't choose.
CLICK HERE to see lu's shots!
sickie sick
my little roggle doggle (one of the many ridiculous things i call my lucia) has been sick since monday. :(
we got the dreaded email from nick that we've gotten too many times in the girls short lives that said "little i has hand,foot,mouth syndrome so keep an eye out for lu."
of course we'd spent friday with them and if you've got a kid around another sickie, they're all bound to get it.
lo and behold a couple hours later, lu hurled all over her dad, our bed, her shower curtain, the hallway, etc.
she was a champ (and so was trav) and allowed me to give her a quick bath and then wrap her in cozies (pajamas) and bring her into bed with me for the rest of the day/night.
i then made calls to all the kids lu exposed, hoping they too wouldn't succumb to the sickies!
she blazed a temp for 3 days and we even took her to the doc only to be told it's a virus and we have to let it run its course.
so since monday, she's watched WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much "little bear" and "gabba", eaten nothing more than popsicles, crackers, raisin bread and grandma's homemade apple sauce. she's definitely feeling better today, but still not 100 percent so i kept her home from maggie mom's and as usual our parents, (my dad this time) saved our butts and came here to watch her.
i'm hoping tomorrow i'll get my girl back, but i'd be lying if i didn't say laying in bed with her, rubbing her back, giving her foot massages (yes with lotion!), and showering her with love hasn't done this mama good.
here are a few shots of our past couple of pitiful days.
eating a piece of toast in bed.
poppin' a paci in between bites. (thank god we didn't follow through on the take away!)
chillin' on her bean bag, sucking down one of about a million popsicles.
a red ring around her mouth to prove the million pops!
special pancakes made for my little luci in the sky.
too much tv makes my daughter look like a scholar.
fingers crossed to a relaxing weekend with no sickness! it's summer for god's sakes!
we got the dreaded email from nick that we've gotten too many times in the girls short lives that said "little i has hand,foot,mouth syndrome so keep an eye out for lu."
of course we'd spent friday with them and if you've got a kid around another sickie, they're all bound to get it.
lo and behold a couple hours later, lu hurled all over her dad, our bed, her shower curtain, the hallway, etc.
she was a champ (and so was trav) and allowed me to give her a quick bath and then wrap her in cozies (pajamas) and bring her into bed with me for the rest of the day/night.
i then made calls to all the kids lu exposed, hoping they too wouldn't succumb to the sickies!
she blazed a temp for 3 days and we even took her to the doc only to be told it's a virus and we have to let it run its course.
so since monday, she's watched WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much "little bear" and "gabba", eaten nothing more than popsicles, crackers, raisin bread and grandma's homemade apple sauce. she's definitely feeling better today, but still not 100 percent so i kept her home from maggie mom's and as usual our parents, (my dad this time) saved our butts and came here to watch her.
i'm hoping tomorrow i'll get my girl back, but i'd be lying if i didn't say laying in bed with her, rubbing her back, giving her foot massages (yes with lotion!), and showering her with love hasn't done this mama good.
here are a few shots of our past couple of pitiful days.
eating a piece of toast in bed.
poppin' a paci in between bites. (thank god we didn't follow through on the take away!)
chillin' on her bean bag, sucking down one of about a million popsicles.
a red ring around her mouth to prove the million pops!
special pancakes made for my little luci in the sky.
too much tv makes my daughter look like a scholar.
fingers crossed to a relaxing weekend with no sickness! it's summer for god's sakes!
Monday, August 16, 2010
30 weeks!
30 weeks?! is that ALL????? i used to want to strangle the women who bitched about being pregnant, about all their ailments, about wanting to just get their body back, about feeling uncomfortable all the time. then i became one.
it seems like overnight, i just became so uncomfortable i feel like i have to be at least 38 weeks and not a mere 30. heartburn eats my chest and throat alive, i toss and turn at night, fat side to fat side, dreaming about the day i can lay like a beached whale on my stomach once more. somehow, a metal pole got rammed up my butt and i began "walking like a softball player" (trav's words) just like that and there's really no other way to walk. my tennis shoes are tight at night when i saunter through the neighborhood, jealously watching walkers and runners, reminding me of who i once was.
on top of this, i'm f'n exhausted. exhausted to the point that i read about extreme fatigue in pregnancy that can sometimes be caused by anemia and was convinced "well, i must be anemic!" i ran errands yesterday while lu napped and literally had to give myself a pep talk to complete the final daunting task of going to the grocery store (i miss stephanie hard!) "just do it tali. you can do it. it will take a half an hour. then you won't have to go back out tonight when luci goes to bed. YOU CAN DO IT!" and i did.
thankfully, i have a kick ass husband that does all the laundry and dishes, totally pulls his weight with lu, calms me down when i go into a pregnancy hormone induced rage "you try growing a baby!" and indulges me when i say "go get me some cookies and cream ice cream will ya?"
10 more weeks!? well i'm not so sure. i'm still pretty convinced that i'm further along then they say (how can one go from having a due date of october 4 to october 23?!) so we'll see. but in the meantime, there might be a whole lot more of self pep talking.
and if you ask me how i'm doing, i'm going to say great. because i am. i may be large and in charge. i may be verbally abused by a 2 year old daily. i may be lacking major sleep. BUT i'm awaiting a huge reward at the end of all this. the end of the tunnel is VERY BRIGHT. i certainly haven't lost site of that.
it seems like overnight, i just became so uncomfortable i feel like i have to be at least 38 weeks and not a mere 30. heartburn eats my chest and throat alive, i toss and turn at night, fat side to fat side, dreaming about the day i can lay like a beached whale on my stomach once more. somehow, a metal pole got rammed up my butt and i began "walking like a softball player" (trav's words) just like that and there's really no other way to walk. my tennis shoes are tight at night when i saunter through the neighborhood, jealously watching walkers and runners, reminding me of who i once was.
on top of this, i'm f'n exhausted. exhausted to the point that i read about extreme fatigue in pregnancy that can sometimes be caused by anemia and was convinced "well, i must be anemic!" i ran errands yesterday while lu napped and literally had to give myself a pep talk to complete the final daunting task of going to the grocery store (i miss stephanie hard!) "just do it tali. you can do it. it will take a half an hour. then you won't have to go back out tonight when luci goes to bed. YOU CAN DO IT!" and i did.
thankfully, i have a kick ass husband that does all the laundry and dishes, totally pulls his weight with lu, calms me down when i go into a pregnancy hormone induced rage "you try growing a baby!" and indulges me when i say "go get me some cookies and cream ice cream will ya?"
10 more weeks!? well i'm not so sure. i'm still pretty convinced that i'm further along then they say (how can one go from having a due date of october 4 to october 23?!) so we'll see. but in the meantime, there might be a whole lot more of self pep talking.
and if you ask me how i'm doing, i'm going to say great. because i am. i may be large and in charge. i may be verbally abused by a 2 year old daily. i may be lacking major sleep. BUT i'm awaiting a huge reward at the end of all this. the end of the tunnel is VERY BRIGHT. i certainly haven't lost site of that.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
my little pony head
yuntie put lu's hair in a pony last week. it's so darn cute and curly i never mess with those, but she's always really patient when yuntie does her hair and nails so it's a treat for her.
pretty cute huh?
pretty cute huh?
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